September 2019, Looking back, I seemed to be a different person back then. After a whole episode of heart got broken, hectic schedules including the preparation to participate in a conference and stuffs on my research work, I seemed to be more determine to face everything head on. I had plans; I made those plans so that I can achieve my goals exactly when I want it (with the consideration if anything happens of course). However, little did I know, what the future holds. September 2020, A year later, I crumbled. I broke down. I melted. At first, I thought that it will be a temporary phase. But no, it was not. It was, in short, a whole roller coaster ride of emotions. There are days, that I am happy, I am good, I am okay, I got this. There are also days that I felt the need to detach myself from my surroundings. Alone amidst the crowd. The constant fight of rebellion in me and the logic in me. The struggle to think straight. The fight between the child in me and the who I am righ
On nights like this, she often wonders all the what ifs. Through the night, such thoughts wonder over and over until she fell asleep and woke up to the same routine the very next day. On such nights too, she wishes and plans to retreat from certain people's life. Just because she felt she was another burden to them, though perhaps, she never was. On such nights, at certain point, the thoughts are just too much, too overwhelming that tears threatened to run down her cheeks. Each time that happens, she forces them back, she refuses to shed another sad tears. But who is she kidding though? Because later that night, under the covers, facing the walls, in the dark of the night, the tears shall fall and be her sole companion on such nights. On nights like this, she thought, what does it feel to lose some attachments? To lose some people whom she adores too much, how does it feel like to lose them for the greater good? "Do not keep thing to yourself", they said. &quo