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Issues to Comprehend

September 2019,     Looking back, I seemed to be a different person back then. After a whole episode of heart got broken, hectic schedules including the preparation to participate in a conference and stuffs on my research work, I seemed to be more determine to face everything head on. I had plans; I made those plans so that I can achieve my goals exactly when I want it (with the consideration if anything happens of course). However, little did I know, what the future holds. September 2020,     A year later, I crumbled. I broke down. I melted. At first, I thought that it will be a temporary phase. But no, it was not. It was, in short, a whole roller coaster ride of emotions. There are days, that I am happy, I am good, I am okay, I got this. There are also days that I felt the need to detach myself from my surroundings. Alone amidst the crowd. The constant fight of rebellion in me and the logic in me. The struggle to think straight. The fight between the child in me and the who I am righ
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2300 Hrs

On nights like this, she often wonders all the what ifs. Through the night, such thoughts wonder over and over until she fell asleep and woke up to the same routine the very next day. On such nights too, she wishes and plans to retreat from certain people's life. Just because she felt she was another burden to them, though perhaps, she never was. On such nights, at certain point, the thoughts are just too much, too overwhelming that tears threatened to run down her cheeks. Each time that happens, she forces them back, she refuses to shed another sad tears. But who is she kidding though? Because later that night, under the covers, facing the walls, in the dark of the night, the tears shall fall and be her sole companion on such nights. On nights like this, she thought, what does it feel to lose some attachments? To lose some people whom she adores too much, how does it feel like to lose them for the greater good? "Do not keep thing to yourself", they said. &quo

[CONT] All About Him

... continuation of previous post... She never realized that she was not okay until she felt her anxiety surfacing, facing trouble to sleep, irregular sleeping habit, etc. One day, her lecturer asked to see her for progress report. She went even though that night she finally able to sleep at 4AM...4...freaking...in the morning. Guess what, she woke up fresh at 7AM! Well, she had been known as a person who easily to be woken up, but still only 3 hours of sleep is dangerous. Never do that kids. So, she went, and reported her progress had a nice direct to the point kind of discussion with her supervisor, everything went well. That was until, her lecturer asked, was she really okay. She contemplated on telling her lecturer what was going on and at the same time she wondered does everything is written all over her face? Eventually, she told her lecturer the story. In return, her lecturer gave a handful of advice for her to ponder. Whether she heeded it or not, that was all up to her.

All About Him

It feels like a long while since my last update but really, it's only been 2 months. There are lots of things that have been going on in only 2 months span of time. It's been 2 long months - it really was though hahaha.  Previous blog post, I mentioned the word "love" as a thing that I've been dealing with. It's only one word - LOVE. But, the subject associated with this word varies; love for myself, love for the things that I do, love for my parents, friends, etc. I, for one, considered myself to love others unconditionally. By now, I've been typing words and deleting them, by the way. I am wayyyyyy  tooooooooo conscious sometimes. I do have a feeling of pouring out what I've been through this couple of months and what I'm currently dealing here. Hm, I guess I gotta take that leap of faith.  Me to me right now: girl, just get through it already So, let me tell you a story - all about him, the guy who she mistakenly gave her all and lo

Things I've Been Dealing With

Hi there! It's September - a new month and a new year has started for us Muslims around the world. Salam Maal Hijrah 1441H to all of the Muslims out there. May we be better person than the previous years, in shaa Allah ameeenn~ I am actually wondering on what to write about in my blog for the past couple of months and I can't find any answer. Well, because this blog was mainly created for me to express my deepest thoughts but those thoughts were gone just like that the moment I slept, so yeah. However, I was inspired today (I think so) to write a post on some things I have been dealing with... Okay, honestly this is NOT what I was thinking of writing but I lost my train of thoughts 5 minutes ago and...yeah, that happened.  So, the things I have been dealing with as of now, is of course, my research work, which by the way is going accordingly to the plan I guess. I felt like this heavy burden is lifted from my shoulder after I am through with my proposal defense. I have

10 PM Thoughts

It has been a really long while since the last update. I mean it's March already! Oh my God, where did the time goes? I still have this habit of thinking that it is still February, I don't even know why. Probably because of the aging factor eh? Hahaha! Oh well, it is 5th March already, so yeah. I still can't shake the feeling of how fast the time flies - period. Yesterday, I had this conversation with my postgraduates friends and we talked about many things. Among of those many things, included how long have they been here in Perlis and some of them said 11 years and some of them said 7 years and so on. Me myself, this year is the 5th year I am here in Perlis and this just hits me. I went "What....?" every single time I realized this. Perlis pretty much is my second home right now and I truly love this place! It lacks the urban hectic lifestyle and offers tranquility that I really love. The greenery view is still accessible here and it is easy to the eyes. Do

New Year, New Resolution?

Assalamualaikum and have a good day. Today is the third day of the year 2019 and the first post for 2019 for me, so...yeay? Hahaha...anyways, I am pretty sure all of us can agree that each new year that have come upon us, each of them brings us a hell of adventures that by the end of the day, we learned something new, something worth to be a guide for us in our journey, something to ponder about, something precious. I have seen my friends on social media posting what 2018 had been for them. I, for one, haven't been able to do it...because...hmm...I wonder why I never did. Nevertheless, my 2018 is the same like the others. I've gone through the ups, the down, the surprises that it brought upon me - all of it. The most exciting for me in 2018 is that I got to finish and graduated on time for my degree. So this deserves a yeayy!!! Now then for 2019, I don't have any expectation - hell, I have never put any expectations on anything or anyone because it's just not f